Exercise Scenario 1 - Telling you what you don’t believe
Imagine you are sitting with someone close to you and you are discussing something that is important to both of you - a topic that matters to both of you - could be anything - instead of listening, they control the conversation and are in a way telling you that your opinion doesn’t matter. You just have to listen to them and you aren’t given the chance to speak. You are helpless. You feel like you are nothing. Just some sounding board. What do you do ? [explain them in general] 1. Excuse yourself politely after listening for a bit and leave. 2. Stay the course and Listen patiently to what they have to say and speak when you can, if you can. 3. Politely yet firmly state your views interrupting them, stating your beliefs and set up the rules of engagement in the discussion. 4. Listen carefully to their view and use the time to learn a different perspective even questioning them further to better understand their view.
Exercise Scenario 3 - The greatest gift
Imagine you are conversing with a friend and they are bragging about an achievement they reached. Could be anything like a promotion at work or a new show they are producing or simply doing well on an exam. You are both excited by the event and are getting ready to go out and celebrate. You turn to them and tell them how amazing they are and how happy you are for their accomplishment. To your surprise, they seem disappointed by your response and turn away to get ready without saying another word. What do you do ? [explain them in general] 1. Give them space and let them figure things out for themselves. 2. Reflect on your words and try to find a different way to express yourself - perhaps being more gentle and subdued in your response. 3. Engage them in a conversation about the accomplishment and how they are experiencing the moment especially in light of what they felt when you congratulated them. 4. Give them space to calm down and further flood them with complements when they next engage with you. Hold your ground. They are fantastic and you won’t back down from that.
Exercise Scenario 2 - What the words aren’t saying
Imagine you are conversing with someone close to you. They are discussing what’s going on in their life. They are facing an issue with a friend who is letting them down. The friend is ignoring them and being selfish in words and actions. As they speak, you sense disappointment and pain in their voice. They are clasping their hands and shaking their legs. You feel protective and with some passion you tell them that they are more than worthy for their friends love. To your surprise, they turn around to you and start getting upset with you. They start ranting off all the things you’ve done wrong to them and that you have no right to judge their friend. What do you do ? [explain them in general] 1. Politely yet firmly defend yourself addressing their concerns and showing your true colors as an important support in their life. 2. Stay calm and listen to what you did wrong. Validate their hurt and provide no excuses for your actions even when they ask you. 3. Listen carefully to their view and use the time to learn their perfective of you then take accountability for what you agree is your part and defend what is really not your responsibility. 4. Dismiss their pain as a projection of what they are going through with their friend and try to comfort them in their pain.
Exercise Scenario 4 - The power of L.O.V.E.
Imagine you are attending an event with friends and family. You accidentally bump into an old relationship - one of the loves of your life that left you for something better. You are shocked yet happy to see them. They seem sad and reflective - apparently things are not going well in their current relationship - they confide in you that they miss the way you both were - the relationship you had, the beautiful moments you both shared. You are flooded with emotions and almost paralyzed trying to assess what’s happening. Everything seems to be coming fast. They are waiting for your response - you hesitate, you remain comforting while trying to gain bearings on your emotions - yet the expectations of a response from you are rising. You can see it in their eyes. What do you do ? [explain them in general] 1. Give them a gentle gesture like a hug or a smile and excuse yourself for a moment to go freshen up promising to return. 2. Embrace their emotions and begin reflecting on how wonderful your relationship was and how you miss them in your life. 3. Stay comforting and listen to their thoughts without opening up about your emotions so you can focus on their issues they have in their current relationship and work to help them through those challenges. 4. Continue to create a safe space for them to share what you meant to them by experiencing what they are sharing with you while reminding them of their strengths you’ve experienced first hand and how you admired and appreciated the moments you both lived. Avoid talking about their current relationship.
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